Trivia question: How many left-wing political parties are there in Alberta?
Answer: Who cares?
The truth is there are four, five if you count the deficit-loving Progressive Conservatives. Can you name the others? They are (in order of irrelevance) The Liberals, New Democrats, Alberta Party, and, sadly, the Communist Party. The list used to include the Alberta Greens, before that party imploded. To the general public, it is impossible to tell most of these parties apart based on their policies.
So, it was with no interest whatsoever that Alberta learned of David Swann’s resignation as Liberal Party leader last week.
Swann, if you remember, was the sock puppet who took over from Kevin Taft after a complete electoral meltdown in 2007, eventually causing Dave Taylor to quit the Liberals and join the Alberta Party. The Alberta Party, with one candidate in the 2007 election, received a whopping 42 votes, 54 fewer than the Communist Party.
So, who will be the next leader of the Liberal Party? Once again, the answer is: Who cares?
It doesn’t matter who takes over the Liberal Party, just as it doesn’t matter who leads the New Democrats, Alberta Party or Communists. As things stand now, none of these parties have anything close to a realistic shot at forming government.
Until such time as this random assortment of political afterthoughts join to form one cohesive party, every vote sent their way will serve only one purpose - to re-elect the Progressive Conservatives.
The irony in all this is that for the first time in a generation, the PC party is vulnerable. With the Wildrose Alliance poised to sweep rural Alberta, a united left finally has a realistic shot at electoral success.
But, if there’s one thing we know about the left, it is that ego has trumped principle for years. That shows no sign of changing. The various eggheads and poindexters leading these parties would rather lose than compromise.
In that spirit, I am announcing the creation of my new left-wing party: The People’s Prosperity Party (PPP).
My new party will seek to represent those public sector union members overlooked by the others. After all, what have the Liberals, NDs, Communists and Alberta Party ever done for you?
Rest assured, my future subjects, we at the PPP absolutely hate rich people. We despise them. Way more than the Liberals, NDs, Communists or Alberta Party.
We are also green. Very green. We are greener than Dave Taylor’s jealousy of David Swann. We are greener than David Suzuki’s pet beluga whale - the vegan one. We are greener than the Liberals, NDs, Communists and Alberta Party.
We also believe in publically funded, publically-delivered health care. We believe in it so much, we dream about it every night. Sure, the Liberals, NDs, Communists and Alberta Party say they believe in it, but how can you be sure? You can’t. But you can believe us when we say it because Tommy Douglas was my uncle’s, grandfather’s, roommate’s ex-boyfriend.
But wait, there’s more.
If you vote for the PPP, you will receive a free “I hate rich people” T-shirt. And a beluga whale... a vegan one... you know, once we are elected to government. And we will be. Someday. Assuming the party members don’t vote me out, forcing me to start another party.
Vote for the PPP. Because what Alberta really needs is another left-wing political party.
