I was on Facebook recently and came across yet another list from a dubious source, this time, Ten Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman.
Since I was worried I’d actually said all ten at some point in my life I had to open it up and check it out. (Saying “you look great” is apparently a no-no. Oops.)
It did get me thinking, though; was there a list of ten things you should never say to a childless woman? Nope – couldn’t find one.
So, as a childless woman, here’s mine. It’s only five but I believe them to be the most important. And it’s my list so it can be only five, right?
1) When a woman says, “I don’t want kids,” do not respond with “you’ll change your mind when it’s your own.”
Really? And if it’s not, can I return said child like I would a pair of shoes I decided I didn’t like? Please be assured the woman has her own reasons for not wanting children and you saying something this ludicrous is not going to change her mind.
2) When speaking to a woman in her mid to late 30s, “you better hurry up, that clock is ticking,” would be the wrong thing to say.
You don’t know if she has chosen to not have children or can’t have children. In the first case you’ll just annoy her, in the second you’ll be rubbing salt into a wound.
3) “You’ll be sorry you didn’t have kids to take care of you in your old age.”
I’ll take that chance. When my Dad was in a care home, his roommate had 13 kids, none of whom came to see him so that turned out well. Having kids is no guarantee they’ll not turn out to be total rotters, ignoring you in your old age.
4) “You’re just being selfish. Having kids is the most selfless thing you can do.”
Don’t get me wrong; I think parents are, for the most part, amazing to put up with all the bad that comes with the good of having kids. It just wasn’t for me and, instead of berating me for it, maybe you should be happy I didn’t do it anyway producing what would inevitably been a terrible child.
5) “Do you want to hold him/her?”
No. Just no.
Now, obviously, some of this is intended to be tongue in cheek but my point is, it’s really no one else’s business why someone does or doesn’t decide to have kids. It’s personal. They aren’t lesser human beings for making the decision or being forced into it because of circumstance.
I’m glad to be at an age where I don’t get asked these questions on a daily basis like I did 10 to 15 years ago. Now when someone I’ve just met asks me, “do you have kids?” My response is, “I have dogs.”
And yes, the fact my dogs will always stay about two years old mentally is not lost on this childless woman.
