The Province of Alberta recently released data on the most popular baby names from 2011.
Olivia and Liam topped the list for girls and boys respectively. I have no problem with either of those names, or any in the top 10 for either sex.
But then there are the rest.
Some boysí names to come out of Alberta last year included Pistol, Caliber and Cannon ñ officially cementing our provinceís status as the Texas of the north. I donít even know how to dissect the thought process involved in selecting your offspringís name to include a firearm reference.
Sure, there may be too many Joes, Jims and Bobs out there, but naming your kid after a gun or some sort of gun-related terminology is plain stupid.
What if he doesnít turn out to be a star quarterback? Why werenít there any Rifles, Colts, or Shotguns?
I hope these happy newborns follow in their parentsí footsteps and devote their lives to watching UFC, listening to Nickelback in their oversized (and over compensating) gas-guzzling pick-ups with dangling truck nuts and generally contributing to the poor image Alberta has outside of this province.
Plus the Canadian spelling is Calibre, not Caliber.
Some of the more ëuniqueí girlsí names, although not entirely avoiding my criticism, showed some more creativity.
Luv, Dreamz, Feather Meta and Mega were the standouts. Iím not sure if the parents were testing names for new dance clubs or rehab facilities, but they at least gave it a better shot (pun intended) than the proud new mother and father of Pistol Gunner Truck Nutz Jones.
There were also a series of baby names inspired by last summerís Canadian visit by William and Kate, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Eight boys were named Prince, six girls named Princess and one boy is known as Princewill.
The Canadian Oxford Dictionary defines pretentious as such: making an excessive claim to great merit, importance, fashionableness, etc., especially without good cause.
It is of course possible some of the eight sets of parents who selected Prince may just be really big Purple Rain fans and were oblivious to the fact the future King of England came to Calgary in July. But that Prince doesnít even like his name ñ remember when he changed it to a symbol in the early 90s?
I know by critiquing the naming process, I open myself up to a similar response, so Iíll just save time and get right into it.
I didnít escape a constant barrage of Kuhl (pronounced Cool ñ I wish I had a nickel for every time somebody made a pun) and Nick-inspired ridicule during elementary school.
ìYou think youíre so Kuhl.î
ìNick the prick, Nick the Öî
You get the point.
Some kids also found out my actual first name is George and exploited that to a degree.
Itís better to just embrace it.
But having a different proper first name and going by your first middle name poses plenty of logistical problems as well ñ ones my parents probably didnít consider in the days of late 1981 when airport security was less strict and obtaining a driverís licence was easier.
As it stands, my birth certificate and driverís licence are the only two documents that have my full name of George Nicholas Scott Kuhl on them. It has been used on other occasions, however, but not since my mother got really mad at me when I was eight.
Maybe the naming process is tougher than it seems. During the father of the bride speech at my sisterís wedding, my dad announced to the hundreds of guests that he and my mother almost named her Poppy.
They decided on Tricia.
