Although the weather we’ve had of late might tempt one to conclude otherwise, a popular season for starry-eyed brides and nervous grooms is again upon us.
Every year about this time, I determine I’m going to go through my files and calculate how many couples I’ve married in almost 30 years in church life. Should I feel particularly brave, I might even attempt to see what my batting average is in terms of couples I’ve married who are still together. A look at modern statistics in this regard is not encouraging in that the people at Vital Statistics who keep track of such things tell us the divorce rate among Canadians is somewhere between about 30 and 50 per cent.
Having been witness to the stress and strain of far too many marital breakdowns, I’ve developed a bit of a regimen for couples who approach me for my involvement in their “big day.” I ask them to consider and respond to two questions. It’s a test I employ for myself, really, a kind of insurance, if you will, that when I pronounce a couple husband and wife I am doing more than merely rendering a professional service.
The first question is this: why do you wish to be married? From what I observe, more and more couples today are choosing to live together without that “piece of paper,” as some call it. To be sure, there are certain attractions to this option although not all are as foolproof as they initially appear.
I’m one of those dinosaurs who maintain that marriage is ultimately an expression of faith, and by faith I’m not necessarily referring to religious faith. I’m talking about faith as in “risk,” some might prefer the term “gamble” and there’s legitimacy in that. Whenever the occasion is appropriate, I obtain significant gratification by helping couples work through thoughtful discussions of weighty matters like “commitment” and “covenant” that, it could be argued, are in short supply these days.
I maintain that “risk,” “commitment” and “covenant” are part of the sanctity of marriage as intended by our Creator and ultimately add to the mysterious element of the relationship that my wife and I have been pursuing for 33 years come this August.
The second question I ask aspirants to marriage is: do you intend to spend big money on a wedding or invest in a marriage?
This is not to suggest that the two are mutually exclusive but that the first does not necessarily lead to the second. It’s also my way of encouraging couples to look at the bigger picture.
Contrary to what certain voices in modern culture tell us, there truly are bigger concerns in life than keeping up with the Hatfields and McCoys when it comes to a “matrimonial big splash.”
In sum, I’m eager to assist couples in embracing the truth that long after the flowers have wilted and the garter has been tossed, there is much wisdom in properly preparing for the reality that, to cite an old song, it indeed can be “you and me against the world.”
Tim Callaway is pastor of Faith Community Baptist Church in Airdrie. He can be reached at [email protected]
