I’ve entered that phase of my life where my close friends are either having kids or are trying for kids and I find myself very happy for them but also a little jealous. I want kids but there is a long list of reason why now might not be the best time to start a family.
That said, I am also acutely aware that as a woman there is a finite amount of time available to me to have children and I can’t help but wonder is there ever a perfect time for any life-altering decisions?
I know my mum would tell me I will always find a reason to wait and so should jump in when my husband and I are ready, but who’s to say when you’re ready?
I think I’d make a decent parent; I have a stable job, I’m responsible, I have a home and I pay taxes but I’m also still a little wild.
I like having friends over and having a few too many drinks. I like being able to pick up and go away for the weekend. I like the freedom of not having anyone depend on me for survival, though sometimes I wonder how my husband would fare if I just stopped cooking and grocery shopping.
Then there is the whole discipline and having patience that I think would cause me to turn into a blithering mess. I honestly have no inclination of how parents manage to maintain sanity when their child is having a full on meltdown in public. I get annoyed with my dog when he doesn’t listen to me at the dog park. I have no comprehension of what I would do if I had a kid freaking out in the middle of the grocery store.
I mean I see these things happen and even I, the most under-qualified critic, sometimes look at how parents react to that type of behaviour in their child and I judge. I say to myself, ‘when I have kids I would never do that,’ but how can I say that when I’ve never been there myself.
Sometimes in my ineptitude I think to myself, ‘my dog is well behaved, how different can a child be?’ I know this is completely different but at times I see myself leaning towards starting a family because I have this excuse, but really it’s apples and oranges.
And if I was really honest with myself, I’d realize I came into my dog’s life when he was already fully grown and trained, I just followed what my husband did with him and called it my own.
There is also the intense fear I have when it come to babies. I’m great with kids once they can walk and talk but the new ones are terrifying. First off, and I know you’re not going to like this but I’m going to say it anyway, new babies are odd looking. They are purple-pink and smooshy. They have flakey skin and eyes that dart around never focusing on anything in particular. And please don’t get me started on the soft spot in their head, that is the stuff of nightmares.
Then there is the development of their digestive system and the varying and disgusting bowel movements they have as they are introduced to new foods. I’ve never seen it but my family refers to a stage they call The Tar Poo Stage. I don’t know what it is but it doesn’t sound good and fills me with a chest-tightening fear like nothing else.
Also the baby devices available such as the booger suction thing are shocking. Why do I need to suction out boogers? How many bodily fluids am I expected to come in contact with? This is insane.
So, for now, I think I’ll be sticking to aunt. Kids will happen for us one day but not any time soon.
