Iíve been feeling disconnected lately.
My past, present and future have all been very much at odds and in the middle of it all, is me, in a state of limbo not quite sure what to make of everything.
Forgive me if that sounded like it was in code; what I mean is that Iím fast approaching a juncture where I feel I should be starting to gain a grasp on what it is I want out of life; not really the case.
A major reason for this is because of my decision to move away from family and friends to pursue this career path. The old adage goes, ìhome is where the heart isî but for journalists I feel itís more along the lines of, ìhome is where the work is.î
Itís especially true in my situation. I grew up in the Greater Toronto Area and journalists starting out in the business donít exactly walk into jobs with the Toronto Star or Globe and Mail. You have to put in the hours and months and years at smaller outlets, honing your craft before you step into a job where tens of thousands of people are reading your work daily.
I knew this coming in to this industry and Iíve made the sacrifices to not only further my career but to further my own personal growth by being out here doing everything on my own.
Iíd like to preface this next point by saying that in no way do I regret my career decision or resent my profession, but for the first time since I moved away more than 27 months ago, I feel disconnected from my support system back home and at a bit of a loss as to where Iím heading.
It seems as though every day big things are happening with my friends that I grew up with back home; theyíre moving in with their girlfriends or boyfriends, getting engaged, setting wedding dates, going on group trips; all things that I was once a part of, where I now feel like Iím on the outside looking in.
My parents are obviously from a different generation than I am, but when they were my age, they were already parents to myself and one of my brothers.
They had a house and were mapping out their futures.
Now Iím starting to see the same things develop with my friends, and itís created a sense of unease in me as I canít help but picture them moving in to a new chapter of their lives while Iím still trying to figure out this one.
A crossroads is on the horizon and itís coming up faster than I think I was prepared for.
Am I that married guy with two kids?
Am I the single guy travelling around the country and beyond for his career? Only time will tell I guess.
I keep coming back to a monologue by Leonardo DiCaprioís character Richard from the movie The Beach.
ìFor mine is a generation that circles the globe in search of something we havenít tried before. So never refuse an invitation. Never resist the unfamiliar.
Never fail to be polite. And never outstay your welcome. Just keep your mind open and suck in the experience. And if it hurts, you know what? It was probably worth it.î
I hope heís right.
