I am not the type of woman who subscribes to gender stereotypes. I am both soft and feminine, and tough and masculine. My husband refers to me as a pitbull when I am upset about something. I am the one in our relationship who deals with confrontation when a service person doesn’t do their job correctly or if we are overcharged for something. Being the “bad guy” always falls on me and I’m actually pretty OK with that if I’m being honest.
I believe in equal rights and equal sharing of responsibilities. My husband knew this when he married me and, for the most part, agrees with my view on our roles in our relationship.
However, on occasion my hubby slips and does or says something that is completely sexist and unacceptable, bringing out the rabid pitbull in me.
I should preface this by saying, it takes a lot to get me mad. I’m pretty easy going and am quick to overlook most things. No one is perfect (including me) and I get that. But when you do get me mad, watch out.
The other day I was working from home and my dear, sweet husband decided to call me on his way home from his work to fight with me because he wanted dinner ready by the time he got home.
First off, the key words here are, I was working from home. It’s not like I spent the day lounging. Even if I had, I am rarely home before my hubby and he never has dinner ready for me when I walk in the door. (I’ve recently started getting him to cook one day per week and that is like pulling teeth).
Secondly, he was home all day on Sunday while I was out running errands and he didn’t even bother to put pants on, let alone cook anything for me.
Thirdly, I am not his cook or his mother. It is not my job to keep him fed and I resent the implication that cooking is somehow my job and he is my boss.
Well, I laid into him pretty good and he came home with his tail between his legs and our dinner in his hands.
However rare this behaviour is from him, I have heard from my married friends they have encountered the same thing from their significant others.
One of my really good friends has been having issues with her husband because he thinks she’s working too much and is not sharing the load of cooking and cleaning. I can understand his frustration but she’s just in the beginning of her career and has to prove herself to get a permanent position.
She still does a share (admittedly not a 50 per cent share) of the housework but doesn’t cook every single night. She will often stop on her way home from a long day of work and pick something up. Perhaps not the most economical choice, but she’s still getting herself and her husband fed.
Her husband (who is also a great friend of mine and a really awesome guy) still complains and, intentionally or not, he ends up making her feel like she’s not a good wife because she doesn’t cook for him every night.
I suppose the point of this rant is it’s 2015 and women are still being told being a good wife means making sure you have a hot meal for your husband every day. It’s archaic and backwards.
I can occasionally give my husband a pass for being a bit of an idiot when it comes to gender roles. He was, after all, living with his parents until he was 30 and lovingly called his mom “the laundry fairy”.
Lord knows I’m not perfect and I do try and pawn off some of the chores I hate the most (I would rather clean a toilet than haul the trash to the garbage bin) but I like to think I don’t make demands of my husband and I’d appreciate it if he returned the favour.
Relationships are hard enough without bringing in outdated expectations.
