Cancer hurts. This is a statement no one is likely to contradict, but do we really understand how our attitudes and prejudices can hurt patients and their families?
My mother recently passed away from cancer. She didn’t know the seriousness of her illness until it was too late. All she knew was she was losing a tremendous amount of weight and her digestive system wasn’t working properly.
Mom lived all of her adult life within a small, tight-knit rural community. She shopped in a nearby town and over the years, got to know a great number of business owners and developed friendships and acquaintances with hundreds of people.
Like most residents of rural communities, mom couldn’t go anywhere without stopping and chatting with a neighbour or friend.
As mom began to look more and more sick, her trips off the farm became less and less frequent. So many people commented on her health, in fact, it was the “talk of the town.”
Rather than feeling supported by the attention, my mom, who didn’t know what was making her so sick, felt uncomfortable. Never seeking to be the centre of attention, it all contributed to her fear and made her into a relative shut-in.
After my mom’s diagnosis of lung cancer, we learned the truth – she was ashamed of her smoking habit and was afraid people would say she got what she deserved.
My mom had the most wonderful treatment for three weeks. No one at the University Hospital in Edmonton was anything but kind and compassionate.
However, when my mom died three weeks later, the ugly truth of society’s bias to some types of cancer, such as liver and lung, came out.
When my older brother returned to work after the funeral, he was told mom inflicted her death on herself. When someone commented to me it was a surprise my mom smoked because she went to church all her life, it really hurt. People’s lack of empathy and understanding, not to mention manners, were shocking. Even the worst comments levelled at our family pale in comparison with the experiences a distraught mother shared with me last week. Her daughter, a 51-year-old Airdrie resident, who has been battling cancer for more than a year, was doing some business at her bank when a man approached her and said, “transgender freaks like you shouldn’t be allowed out in public.”
The woman, who was wearing a T-shirt and shorts, had short hair as a result of chemotherapy treatments after a double mastectomy. The concerned mom said it isn’t the first time her daughter has been targeted by a rude passer-by. It has all been devastating for the mother, whose life has been shaken by the disease.
In fact, the mom lost her sister just days ago to lymphoma. Her nephew also battled leukaemia and was down to a mere 75 pounds when undergoing treatment. Tired of being housebound, the two mother and son visited a mall where they endured stares and snide comments, such as “watch out for those two, there is something wrong with them.”
The distraught mom is also taking care of her husband, who she says is dying of cancer. As a result, he has lost a tremendous amount of weight, a condition common to cancer patients. Other side effects can include swelling, hair loss, open sores, scarring and disfigurement. Cancer victims can appear pale and move slowly.
It shouldn’t have to be said, but displaying rudeness, cruelty and rejection by staring and making commenting is just plain wrong. No one deserves cancer or asks to get it, even if they smoke, drink, work or live in a toxic environment.
Words can be devastating and should be guarded.
