Hello Tammy,
My father and I have had a negative relationship for the longest time. I feel that he has blamed me for many things that went wrong in my parents’ relationship. I would like to have a relationship with him, for myself and for my children. Where do I start?
Regan M
Hello Regan,
I can understand how you would be upset about this situation and want to move forwards. Especially when there are children involved, and you want them to have their grandfather in their lives. It is not always easy to work through this sort of stuff with family or friends. Additionally, when we are dealing with family it can be that much more difficult. The first thing I suggest you do is to get in contact with your father either in person, over the phone, or even email if you have to. Have a heartfelt discussion about how you feel, where you would like things to go, and that you would like a relationship together. Use “I” statements so that he doesn’t get defensive, and talk to him in a neutral positive manner. If you don’t feel you can remain calm in person email him and see where it goes. The important things is to be open and honest, that will go a long way.
Dear Tammy,
I have a difficult time saying “no” when friends as me to do things. I don’t want to miss out on anything, but it is costly and starting to hurt my bank account. I am also afraid to make them upset by saying “no.” What do you suggest I do?
Fern C
Hi Fern,
Believe it or not the issue you mentioned is a common one for many people. The best thing for you to start with is to know what your entertainment budget is. How much can you afford every week/month?
Then when people start to invite you to various things, sit back and think about how much you want to participate in that event before you say yes. Prioritize the available options you have, wouldn’t it be better to go to that once-in-a-lifetime concert than out for dinner three times with friends you see all time anyway? Secondly, talk to your friends. I can almost guarantee you that you aren’t the only one who is struggling to do it all. Maybe once you say something out in the open it will take the pressure they are feeling off as well. Thirdly, you don’t have to say “no” to everything, instead offer an alternative cheaper solution. Invite people over for dinner, instead of going out, or only go to a movie on cheap Tuesday. At the end of the day, you don’t want to feel stressed over money issues, and overspending.
Thanks to those of you who have written their questions to me. I enjoy reading through them, and then trying to pick the few that will resonate best for most people. Keep them coming! This last snowfall in Calgary give us all that much more reason to look forward to the coming spring/summer season. Start finding things to look forward to in the spring, gardening, running outdoors and camping. Keep your sights on those things so that the current conditions don’t get you down. Stay warm!
Tammy Tkachuk is available to help individuals overcome the obstacles they are facing in life. Send your questions about life challenges to [email protected] or call 403-969-7409.
