After my first experience at the Calgary Stampede, I am giving up journalism to create Stampede Insurance.
I am shocked that after 100 years of Stampeding I am the first to recognize the demand for this and the dollar signs that will fill my bank account.
It’s not liability coverage for the rich people who run the show and need protection from Joe Drunk who fell on his head – it’s insurance for those who want to play reckless cowboy/cowgirl for 10 days and yell ‘yeehaw’ as they walk away at the end in the same condition they went in.
What a market - the coverage is only limited by the amount of regretful incidents you create while Stampeding.
It’s the king of all insurance policies.
This policy covers you, your big mouth, your cell phone and everything else in your world.
All your responsibilities are insured. You can do what you want – risk free.
It’s like regular Stampede – but without the ramifications of your actions at the end of the 10 days.
You are covered from discrimination – yes, you are a real cowboy/cowgirl for 10 days, and no one can tell you otherwise.
You are covered from accidents – whether you are the one who falls on your head or a miniature horse with a size complex attacks you.
You are covered from theft – whether someone steals your wallet, your heart or your dignity.
You are covered from illness – whether it is a hangover or a sexually transmitted infections.
You are covered from verbal abuse – whether you are being yelled at for budging in line or flipping off that person who took ‘your’ seat in the beer gardens.
You are covered from changing physically – whether you got a black eye or got fat from eating too many delights.
Your privacy is covered. Photos of you making inappropriate gestures or with your friend’s girlfriend or riding the mechanical bull or whatever other potentially embarrassing activities you experienced will never be found online and no one you know will see you walking around in barely-there clothing.
Travel insurance is included. You will not run into problems if you miss your flight home and there is no problem if you decide you haven’t spent enough time in Nashville North.
Caught drinking in public? You are covered.
Caught drinking in a public bathroom? You are covered.
Lost your phone? You are covered.
Can’t remember your phone number? You are covered.
Broke a tooth on someone’s fist? You are covered.
Broke someone’s fist on your tooth? You are covered.
Drunk dialed someone? You are covered.
Responded to a drunk dial? You are covered.
Have to work? Covered. Called in sick to work? Covered.
This insurance is more popular than the Stampede itself.
Think of it as a glorified 10-day get-out-of-jail-free card for everything Stampede, with a guardian angel who unconditionally has your back.
It allows you to party it up, Stampede-style, without the risk.
To purchase this insurance, visit www.dream-on.com
It was my first time at the Calgary Stampede, and I wish this insurance existed.
But because it doesn’t, I hope you covered your own actions and were responsible at Stampede this year.
