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There is no room for questions in a Progressive Conservative democracy

Memo from the P.C. Government of Alberta: For the past few weeks, Opposition parties have been attacking your government on a variety of issues. This has to stop.

Memo from the P.C. Government of Alberta:

For the past few weeks, Opposition parties have been attacking your government on a variety of issues. This has to stop.

We’ve been running the province for 40 years, and in that time, we’ve learned an important truth – issues are for losers. In a democracy, you’re supposed to show up and vote every four years. That’s it. After the election, you’re supposed to leave the important stuff to us – the government you elected. We don’t want or need input from you. Nor do we need your silly complaints when you think we’ve made a mistake. We don’t make mistakes. And, if we did, they’re your mistakes because you elected us. That’s how democracy works, dammit!

I mean, who really cares what whats-his-name the Liberal or Mr. Bus Driver from the NDP thinks? Certainly not you. If you had, you would have voted for them. But, there they are anyway, teaming up to call us – the government you elected – a variety of bad names.

Then, of course, there’s the Queen of All Evil Danielle Smith. She’s never been elected by anyone, yet she has the nerve to question us. About issues. About policies. About things that matter. This is a democracy, for heaven’s sake, she has no right!

As for Raj Sherman, we used to like him. He was a competent, responsible, smart, non-white-old-man we were happy to have in our caucus. I mean a practicing emergency room doctor and MLA? Anybody would have loved to have him in their party.

But then something happened. Some say it was during his campout at an ancient Native burial sight on Halloween night. Some say it was during an expedition to the cursed tomb of the ancient Pharoah Talkin’CommonSense. Whatever it was, Sherman changed.

He started asking questions. He started speaking up for those in need. Worst of all, he started speaking in riddles, posting things like, “I am sad to say that Alberta has become a company town where good public policy loses out to poor decisions made in secret,” on his website. What the heck does that even mean? Clearly we’re dealing with a lunatic!

Because of people like these, and others who dare question your government, we have no choice but to centralize power.

Just imagine the chaos if we didn’t force the new power lines through? We could suffer brownouts or blackouts. We might not be able to force regular Albertans to pay for infrastructure that allows Alberta companies to export electricity at a massive profit. Heck, the construction contracts to government-friendly corporations might even disappear altogether!

Just imagine health care if we hadn’t centralized the entire system? People in every jerkwater berg would be giving us advice on what they need. We’re talking about our government’s largest department here, there’s no way ‘the people’ have any idea how to run this thing. Responsive health care is a pipe dream, folks. It’s much better to hand it all over to one guy who can be blamed for all the mistakes and fired every three years.

But this isn’t enough. We need more centralization of power. We need the Alberta Land Stewardship Act to protect you from your local governments. We need to get rid of local school boards, to protect you from your neighbours. Most of all, we need to stop democratic reform of any kind so we can protect you from yourselves.

This is Alberta. This is your government. Love us or leave us.

Yours Truly, The Progressive Conservative Lords of Alberta.


Airdrie Today Staff

About the Author: Airdrie Today Staff

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