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The insidious nature of family violence

When the going gets tough, the tough get going – at least, that's how the saying goes.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going – at least, that's how the saying goes. But what if "get going" is much harder to do than it might seem? According to a Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics report released in 2017, Alberta has seen a two per cent increase in family violence since 2014. Currently, this province ranks third highest in Canada for its rate of intimate partner violence, as well as for its rate of family violence against seniors. But these statistics don't tell the complete story of family violence and the barriers to escaping it. When you hear about family violence, it likely evokes images of the battered woman. She is definitely a part of family violence, as women face significantly higher victimization rates of intimate partner violence than men. Four out of five victims of police-reported intimate partner violence were women, according to the report. Women are also 36 times more likely to face intimate partner sexual assault than males, and face a higher risk of family-related homicide. The Government of Alberta, however, defines family violence as an abuse of power in a family or other trusting relationship where people rely on each other. This includes physical, verbal, psychological and sexual abuse – but there are other, less overt ways where power is weaponized. Financial abuse includes limiting access to bank accounts and other family finances, preventing the victim from working, and destroying personal property and credit. Failing to ensure a child or dependent is safe and has emotional support and basic daily needs met is another form of abuse. Controlling actions, such as limiting where a person can go or what they can do, preventing them from taking part in spiritual practices, or delaying access to medical care or food, are still more forms of family violence. Many abusers employ multiple tactics to maintain power, and some are so subtle a victim may not realize what is occurring is abuse. Take, for example, the abuser who makes comments about your "thunder thighs," then tells you to "lighten up" – they were "just joking." They may also deploy food control by asking if you're sure you need another helping of dinner, then suggesting they were just looking out for your best interests when you get upset, convincing you they are the "good guy" and you're overreacting. This abuse becomes part of your daily life, and eats away at your self-image until you believe you're disgusting and no one else will love you. You begin to tell yourself you should feel lucky the abuser loves you at all. Now, imagine the work it would take to build the confidence and courage to escape that situation. Imagine the financial implications involved in ending a relationship, and imagine the trauma of uprooting your life to – essentially – start again, from scratch. It doesn't seem so easy, does it? Family violence is insidious and multifaceted. It's time we stopped asking why victims stay and start working to help them free themselves. For more information or to get help, visit alberta.ca/family-violence-prevention.aspx

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