When you think of Airdrie, what’s the first image that pops into your head?
Is it the water tower jutting into a clear blue sky? Is it fireworks over Nose Creek Park? Or maybe it’s the friendly blue arch with the motto Community & Opportunity?
Don’t get my wrong, those images are beautiful and poetic in their own way, but they aren’t exactly landmarks.
If our city is going to get serious about being a real player in this province, what we need is one of those God-awful tacky roadside monuments to passing fads that grace the ditches of our fellow Albertan communities.
When I look at the giant Easter egg at Vegreville, or Eddie the giant squirrel in Edson, I ask myself, why not Airdrie?
Where is our UFO landing pad? Why don’t we have the world’s largest Mallard Duck? Why does Pinto MacBean live at Bow Island?
Now, I know ridiculous roadside attractions don’t just happen. I’m sure there was an entire committee that brainstormed for months to come up with the Alix Gator.
Extensive polling must be completed, focus groups must be organized and mayoral decrees must be drafted, or you’ll end up with another ‘Biggest Piggy Bank in the World’ like they did in Coleman.
Roadside attractions must also reinforce whatever preconceived notions tourists have about your city, like the world’s largest Beaver at Beaverlodge, or the giant crown at Coronation.
Which brings me back to my original question: When you think of Airdrie, what’s the first image that pops into your head?
Here are a few ideas worth discussing:
• Project: The world’s largest preschool and stroller emporium. New motto reads “Airdrie: Where Calgary comes to have babies.”
• Project: The world’s largest bookcase filled with acronym-laced City planning reports. New motto reads: “Airdrie: Plan on it… eventually.”
• Project: The world’s most crowded classroom. New motto reads: “Kids: Three for $1”
• Project: The world’s largest cowboy hat with a string and a whistle attached. New motto reads: “Airdrie: Move over Balzac, we’re Calgary’s new hat.”
• Project: World’s largest RV park. New motto: “Airdrie: Now with Walmart.”
• Project: World’s largest four-way stop. New motto reads: “Go. Go already. Go, go, go, for the love of God, go!”
• Project: World’s largest first aid kit. New motto reads: “Airdrie: Soon to be Alberta’s largest city without a hospital.”
• Project: World’s largest earplugs. New motto reads: “Airdrie: Where the air traffic and Highway 2 drown out the constant construction.”
• Project: World’s largest acoustic guitar. New motto reads: “Airdrie: Didn’t Paul Brandt used to live around here somewhere?”
• Project: World’s largest empty bus. New motto reads: “Airdrie: Too small for public transit, too big to admit it.”
