“Mommy, guess what I learned at school today?”
“What’s that?”
“I learned that we live in a democracy.”
“Oh boy.”
“And that means that anyone, if they study real hard at school and get good grades and stay out of trouble… anyone can grow up to become the prime minister!”
“Uh-huh.”
“I think it would be fun to be the prime minister. You could make all the rules, and make people be nice to each other and help people.”
“Is that so?”
“So guess what? When I grow up, I want to be the prime minister.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes I do. We learned all about it at school. The prime minister is the boss and gets to do whatever they want. They can eat ice cream and stay up late and drink pop whenever they want.”
“As long as they keep getting elected.”
“What’s elected?”
“To become prime minister, you have to become the leader of a political party. Then you have to win an election. You have to get people from all across Canada to vote for your political party. If more people vote for your party than all the other parties, you get to become prime minister.”
“So, I want to be the leader of a political party?”
“No, you don’t.”
“But that’s the only way to become prime minister, right? So, how do you become the leader of a political party?”
“There are lots of different ways. You could start a new party, but that takes a lot of work and new parties rarely win elections. Or, you could join a party that already exists, bad mouth the leader and try to take over when they leave. Either way, at some point you’re going to have to sell your soul to special interests that can deliver plenty of cash and votes.”
“So, if you become the leader of a political party, then you can be in an election and become prime minister?”
“Only if you win the election.”
“How do you do that?”
“Assuming you have a massive campaign war chest to fund a constant barrage of attack ads; you have a team of pollsters to tell you what to say, what to wear and what to do; and you are the leader of either the Conservatives or the Liberals, all you will have to do is lie your butt off.”
“What is a Conservative?”
“A Liberal from the country.”
“What’s a Liberal?”
“A Conservative from Montreal.”
“But what’s the difference between them?”
“Conservatives will promise to cut spending to balance the budget, and won’t do it. Liberals will promise to raise taxes to balance the budget, but will spend the money instead. Both lie and run deficits, but they promise very different things.”
“So, if only the Conservatives of Liberals can win, and they basically do the same thing, why do we have elections?”
“Because choosing which lie to believe is very important to some people.”
“But what if I started a new party that told the truth and kept its promises?”
“Nobody would believe you.”
“But, why?”
“Because people expect politicians to lie. They also expect politicians to jack up their own salaries, stuff the Senate with cronies and bagmen and blame the opposition for everything.”
“…Mommy?”
“Yes?”
“I think I want to be a fireman.”
“Good choice.”
