Today’s topic: Weddings.
Most of last week I spent preparing for one of my best friend’s nuptials, held here in Airdrie at the T& C.
As a groomsman, my role is clear: organize a little fun for the groom leading up to the event, don’t lose the ring, try not to get booed off the stage during the toast to the groom, stay the heck out of the way of the decorating frenzy and generally try to keep everyone as loose as possible.
At least, that’s for a normal wedding. Among my little band of brothers, making memories is much more important, especially during weddings. Weddings last a day, stories last a lifetime.
For instance, at my own wedding held in Vulcan, the entire wedding party disappeared for a smoke break under the Starship Enterprise, and later someone set up a sprinkler in front of the door and convinced all the ladies that it was raining and they had to stay at the dance until the rain stopped.
At another buddy’s wedding, held the same weekend as the infamous windstorm that struck the Big Valley Jamboree a few years back, the entire wedding party spent a good portion of the banquet holding down a massive party rental tent. Covered in mud from our shoes to our necks, we did not get the deposit back for the tuxedos. Also, we stole the father of the bride’s classic car, went for a cruise and ran out of gas. He was not pleased. He was even less pleased when, after the dance, he ran out of gas on a deserted gravel road. Oops.
So, what would be the outlandish tale from this new wedding? There were a few.
• At the bachelor party, the groom was forced to wear a coyote skin hat, complete with paws. Instead of ‘finger quotes,’ he spent most of the night telling stories than involved ‘claw quotes.’ We thought it was funny. The people whose hot tub we took over until 6 a.m., the night before the first day of school, did not.
• During her thank you speech following the meal, the bride let slip that she would be having a baby in about seven months’ time. It was a surprise. The truly entertaining part was watching all of the older ladies in attendance trying to do pregnancy math on their fingers without getting caught. Tragically for the gossips, it was not a true shotgun marriage situation.
• Another highlight was seeing the groom’s grandma, clocking in at 101 years young, dance to Britney Spears. She had better moves than me. My go-to dance technique is the ‘junior high shuffle.’ She did a spin, that was just plain awesome.
• Speaking of dancing, I appear to have some trouble on the horizon. My four-year-old daughter took over the dance floor. Literally, she grabbed the only single groomsman, forced him to dance all night and actually tried to push other dancers off the floor. No more ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ at my house.
All of these stories, and more, were thoroughly discussed at the debriefing barbecue at my house the following day. For my part, I didn’t lose the ring, I did not get booed off the stage, I did stay away from the decorating divas and most importantly, I did not lose the ring.
Thanks to Nash and company at A Fine Balance Catering for such a delicious meal, and the T& C crew for being such wonderful hosts.
All in all, I think it was the best wedding I’ve ever been in.
Until the next one, of course.
