Do you have a word to describe someone who really pushes your buttons? How would you describe that person you have a hard time dealing with? Maybe you’d describe your mother-in - law as a nag, maybe an uncle you see as a bum.
It may be someone who every time you meet them they just rub you the wrong way, something about them just pushes all the wrong buttons for you.
Maybe you can identify with the man who went to his doctor after he was bit by a dog.
The doctor said, “I’m afraid you have rabies, I’ll be back in a moment to tell you about the treatment.”
When the doctor returned the man was quickly writing something down and so he asked the man, “are you writing out your will?”
“No,” said the man, “I’m just making a list of all the people I’m going to bite!”
The problem is that often this kind of problem comes not with someone we know, but with someone within our own family. We’re stuck to someone we can’t communicate with. Sometimes we have family members who are just not supportive and they’re not saying the right things to encourage us.
If this sounds familiar, I want you to know that you are not alone. Even Jesus got this kind of treatment from His own family.
In Mark 3, Jesus’ family was not sure about the things He was saying and doing. In fact, verse 21 states, “His family went to get Him because they thought He was out of his mind.”
Jesus’ brothers and sisters thought He was a lunatic! They did not realize who He really was, but instead they suggested He take His miracles and words somewhere else. Talk about a lack of support!
But the thing is, Jesus did not try to control His family’s behaviour and He did not let them control His behaviour. He did not try to make them agree with what He was doing. He did not try to make it His mission to please them.
If Jesus could not make His family share His convictions, what makes you think you can make your family share yours? As long as you think you can control people’s behaviour, that you can somehow get them to stop pushing all your buttons, you will always be held in bondage by their opinions and comments.
If you think you can control their opinion that is not positive, then guess who you have to blame? You. It’s a game of unfair rules and fatal finishes. Jesus did not play this game, nor should you.
So what should you do instead? First, realize that even if your family pushes your buttons and do not give you the support you need, know that God will support and affirm you. If they push your buttons, know that God will not. God provides Himself to you as a faithful father, He wants to be your biggest encourager!
Is there anything else you can do when people push your buttons? One thing you can do is to be gentle with your responses. When someone pushes your buttons, often what they are looking for is a heated response from you. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words cause quarrels.”
Apply this when someone pushes your buttons and you feel the anger rising within you.
Also, Proverbs 17:14 advises, “Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so stop the argument before it gets out of control.”
How do you stop it? How do you stop the verbal bantering back and forth? You do it by applying Proverbs 15:1, you respond with a gentle answer. Gentle means you answer with humility. It means you recognize where you may be wrong. That’s why we need to ask God to help us exchange our natural responses of harsh words to button pushers with gentle words.
Proverbs 25:15b says, “A gentle word can get through the hard-headed.”
A gentle answer often has the same effect as a sail losing its wind, it has no power to proceed and people don’t know how to respond. It’s hard to respond harshly when someone is speaking gently with you. This may mean you offer up a silent prayer to God before you answer. It many mean stepping away from the situation so that you can ask God for the right words to say.
You may even try praying Psalm 141:3 - “Lord, help me to control my tongue; help me be careful about what I say.”
Try doing this and see if it helps to lesson the power of button pushers in your life.
This Faith Matters column was provided by Tri-Community Baptist Church in Beiseker.
