I have been a good boy all year. I never say ‘no’ to any unions or business lobbies, and always do my best to make everyone happy.
This year, may I please have $100/barrel oil? That way I can keep my job. Sorry, but I don’t have any cookies for you, Duckett took them all.
Thanks, Premier Ed Stelmach.
I believe in you Santa, I really, really do. I think that if we stick to our game plan, we can compete with anyone and achieve our goals.
This year, Santa, can I have a good young player like Zach Parise? I had one before and he was swell. If it helps, you can have Jokinen back. I know you meant well when you gave him to me in 2009, and again in 2010. But that was just too generous, Santa. Way too generous. Seriously.
Don’t give me another Jokinen this year. Please. I’m begging you.
Thanks, Brent Sutter
Last year, Santa, you gave us the large hadron collider, the world’s largest high-energy particle accelerator. We know it was expensive, about $9 billion US, but we used it to trap 38 antihydrogen atoms for a sixth of a second, marking the first time in history that humans have trapped antimatter. So, I guess what we’re trying to say is ‘thanks for nothing.’
This year, Santa, we would like $15 billion to build a really awesome microscope, so we can see our nothing up close.
Thanks, CERN scientists
Dude, you gave CERN a $9-billion dollar machine that makes what? Here in the world’s poorest country we eat nothing every day. Not cool, Santa, not cool.
Thank you for the new job. Being the mayor of Airdrie is kind of fun, and I get this fancy gavel to bang on the table any time service is too slow at a restaurant, and I have the keys to the Plainsmen Arena, so I can play hockey any time I want. This year, Santa, I would like a new paintball gun. I have a feeling it will take more than a gavel to keep aldermen Buchanan and Alexander from attacking each other with folding chairs.
His Worship, Mayor Peter Brown
Thank you for the new party and the Danielle Smith you gave me last year. They are awesome, way better than the old broken down PC Party and Ed Stelmach I had before. This year, Santa, all I ask for is an election.
Thanks, MLA Rob Anderson
Thanks for the articulated buses you gave us last year. They are very big. So big that they have an echo. This year, Santa, could we have some riders? Commuters, school sports teams, convicted felons on the way to jail, we’ll take anyone. Heck, we’ll even do some of your deliveries, Santa.
Thanks, Airdrie Transit.
How are you? I am fine. My name is Prince Imgoona Bin Rippinyouoff, and I am a bit of a pickle, Santa. My father, the King of Tabongo recently passed on, and left his muilti-million dollar estate to me. I need to move the money out of the country before General Scam Artiste seizes my assets. If you let me use your bank account, I will give you a hundred billion dangadoos ($40,000). Santa, send your SIN number, bank account number, credit card number and PIN number to me as soon as possible. Please hurry.
Thanks, Prince Imgoona Bin Rippinyouoff
Thank you for Prime Minister Stephen Harper. We didn’t get it at first. I mean, why would Santa send us a Conservative? But now that he’s running $50-billion deficits and spending more than the Liberals ever did, we can go back to whining about the Americans. This year, Santa, please give us something new to scare people with. Global warming is running out of steam, we have no George W. Bush and swine flu was called off. If we don’t scare people, who will watch us?
Thanks, The CBC