Last week, U.S. media reported several strange phenomenon. In Arkansas, about 5,000 blackbirds fell from the sky near the town of Beebe. About 100 miles away, 80,000 to 100,000 fish were found floating in the Arkansas River. Initial reports said the two incidents were not related; no poisoned fish were found in the dead birds.
A few days later, another 500 birds reportedly fell from the sky, this time in Louisiana. Again, officials could not find any connection between the events, prompting all sorts of wild theories to be posted on websites and blogs around the world.
So, you want to know, are these strange phenomenon a sign of the rapidly approaching apocalypse?
Sadly, for fear-mongering media like the CBC, they are not. However, that doesn’t mean the end of the world isn’t coming soon. You see, there have been other signs the universe’s balance has been thrown completely out of whack:
• Toronto (otherwise known as the centre of the universe) elected a conservative mayor. My God. The horror. The horror.
• The Calgary Flames actually fired a Sutter… just when they nearly had a complete set.
• A would-be suicide jumper in New York survived his nine-storey plunge after landing on a massive pile of garbage that had not been collected since the beginning of a snow storm a week earlier. Garbage saves life? Take that, David Suzuki.
• Lithuania launched its new national perfume, recently. According to the press release, “For Lithuanians to identify themselves with this perfume, we’ve added the smell of wood fires that can be associated with pagan rituals, as well as moss and wildflowers.” There is still no word on how the City of Edmonton intends to make its new perfume smell like feet.
• As the baby boom enters retirement, a new study says one-quarter of them can’t remember any of the early signs of Alzheimer’s Disease. Yikes!
• Romania has officially listed Witchcraft as a profession under employment legislation. What’s next, tax deductions for spell components? Equal pay for equal curse legislation? Witches rights tribunals? Way to go, Romania. Now you’ve got to build an entire legal system to handle a fake job.
• News headlines on Jan. 4, 2011: Pakistani governor assassinated, Harper shuffles cabinet, Loonie begins year above parity with U.S. Dollar. Lead news headline the same day: Kim Kardashian unveils bold new hairstyle.
I guess the end of the world might not be such a bad thing after all.
