It’s easy to get caught up in all the negativity floating around in the air these days, according to Tammy Tkachuk, a licensed psychotherapist and life coach at Transition Life Wellness in Airdrie, but the key is not to let that negativity drag you away from being your own best self.
“To me there has got to be something (positive) going on in your life, whether that’s a roof over your head, or a job, and so forth,” she said. “It does take a long time to get rid of negativity. Research actually tells us it takes five positives to counteract one negative. That’s why you have to work all that much harder to get up in the morning and be grateful.”
Tkachuk isn’t into New Year’s resolutions because such targets are generally born out of negativity – a negative self-image, financial shortcomings, etc. She thinks it is far better to state an intention rather than a resolution.
“What do you want for yourself?” she asked. “Do I want to be more positive? Or more grateful? That sort of thing. I will often get my clients to come up with a word for themselves for the year which they might want to keep going back to. It could be ‘positivity,’ ‘family,’ or like mine this year, which was ‘focus.’ And kind of use that as your mantra.”
But it is not enough to state an intention. According to Tkachuk, it must be followed up with actionable steps to achieve the intention.
“Say if you want ‘travel’ to be your intention for the year, and you want to travel more,” she said by way of illustration. “So putting pen to paper and writing your word on top, and below that, writing down what that looks like for me. Do I need money to travel? Do I need time to travel? You have to do research to see where you want to go. It’s really about taking that (intention) word and breaking it down into smaller goals to achieve it.”
Tkachuk acknowledged that while having an intention might give someone purpose in 2023, it might not help fully release the mixture of negativity marinating within. In this case, she said it might also be important to externalize your positivity to counteract that interior residual negativity.
According to Tkachuk, it could be as simple as doing something like shovelling your elderly neighbour’s driveway.
“Sometimes we don’t feel good on the inside for whatever reason, but it does feel good to [hold] a door open for somebody, to genuinely wish someone to have a good day – that can fill you up in ways and create this domino effect on the way to making yourself feel better,” she explained.
“That outward kindness and positivity on the outside fills you up and motivates you to do more for yourself as well,” she said. “First, you can see the driveway is shovelled. And second, you can probably get a smile or a wave from somebody.”
The final ingredient toward stepping forward into 2023 on a more positive foot, said Tkachuk, is remembering to be grateful for the positives instead of merely stewing over the negatives.
“How do I maintain gratitude and be grateful for the things I have?” she asked. “Too often when we start the new year, it is like looking at all the things that are wrong with you and wanting to make all these changes versus looking at what is actually going well.”
